In 1987 at the age of 13, I went to Manhattan to get a fake ID. I gave this enterprising young man Maurice, a crisp $20 for said item. He just took off running down 8th avenue, never to be seen again. I brought that story up in therapy. My therapist said, “You should make a list of your favorite New York movies.” So this list cost me $150 plus $48 to register my new domain name. Let’s do this.

These are the most New York movies, not necessarily the best films that happen to take place in New York. You know where the setting is a character (cliche alert.) Films that can’t take place in any other city. Films where Piedmont Park in Atlanta just can’t double for Central Park. (I’m looking at YOU – every Marvel movie ever made!) There’s some nostalgia too in these picks, so if you miss the days when eye contact on the subway was considered justifiable homicide and you can get balls wasted on a field trip….grab a Chock Full O’ Nuts coffee and enjoy.

NOT Central Park – I don’t care what the Avengers say

#30 THE FISHER KING
(1991)

Ah the days you could streak through Central Park and no one would notice. Terry Gilliam tries to shove in everything that ailed NY from the homeless to Howard Stern into one movie. The tone is just like Robin William’s lead character – schizophrenic, entertaining, and at times depressing as hell.

#29 THE BROTHER FROM ANOHER PLANET
(1984)

Harlem must have looked quite threatening like to aliens and or/white guys from New Jersey taking a shortcut to Yankee Stadium. John Sayles, dialogue-free opening sequence is a stunner.

#28 ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK
(1981)

As the 70’s went on, New York in film was portrayed as rotting from the inside, so it was only a matter of time before it became a deserted penal colony. But you’d figure it would be Staten Island, not Manhattan. HIYOOOOOO. Sorry Staten Island. 

Also penal is a funny word, still. Penal.  You just said it, didn’t you?  Even though Donald Pleasence and Lee Van Cleef are in the same movie, number  #18 on our list for my preferred scary NY future movie.

#27 THE APARTMENT
(1960)

The city that never sleeps – comes in handy for adultery. Of course nowadays poor Jack Lemon would be living with seven Craig’s List roommates in a 2 Bedroom in Williamsburg and would have to bang Shirley MacLaine in a broom closet.

#26 SUMMER OF SAM
(1999)

When I was a kid, my brother told everyone in the neighborhood our house was a lookout tower for Son of Sam. It wasn’t. It scared the shit out of me though. I was seven!

125-07 9th Ave, College Point, NY. It’s never been a lookout tower.

#25 C.H.U.D.
(1984)

Ahhh New York, 1984. Affordable rent…vibrant artistic community…mom and pop grocery stores… and mutated creatures pulling people down into the sewers and disemboweling them. Those were the days! I can hear my mother now, “Stephen, don’t bother the C.H.U.D.s and they won’t bother you.” Memories. Then Giuliani ran all the C.H.U.D.s out of town. Fascist.

#24 A GUIDE TO RECOGNIZING YOUR SAINTS
(2006)

I’m partial to this, since it’s set in my dad’s neighborhood of Astoria, Queens. But no mention of famous Astorians Whitey Ford, Chistopher Walken, or cinematographer Gordon Willis who shot five movies on this list. Holy crapstick.
Triva: Robert Downey Jr. doesn’t have the nuts to try a Queens accent. I have mixed feelings about this. He could at least pull it off here.

#23 NIGHT SHIFT
(1982)

New York after midnight was so depraved it could turn the Fonz into a pimp. THIS AIN’T MILWAUKEE, BABY. Not to mention Shelly Long is a hooker and they operate out of a morgue. What sleaze merchant directed this? Ron Howard? Yes, this is a real movie! That synopsis makes it sound like a Midnight Cowboy sequel but it’s actually a comedy – and a good one with a hilariously manic, star-making performance by Michael Keaton.

Kevin Costner makes his film debut as “Frat Boy #1” in Night Shift. No really.

#22 AMERICAN PSYCHO
(2000)

“There’s a man with a machete trying to kill us!”
“Welcome to New York.”
So much social commentary about the New York’s seedy underbelly in this movie. No wait, that was from Jason Takes Manhattan. That didn’t make the list? What the fuck?

#21 THE GODFATHER, THE GODFATHER PART II
(1972, 1974)

Before you spit your gabagool on my nice suit, this list is what is the most New York about the movie, not necessarily the greatest movie. (Or else CHUD would be #1 DUH.) Is the city more a character in the story or just a background? Could this have taken place in another city? Yes it can and does with settings just as effective in Lake Tahoe, Havana or Sicily. Part II still has to get the edge here for the Ellis Island and Little Italy scenes but that’s only half the movie.

This is such a cool shot. I don’t care how on the nose the symbolism is.

#20 SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER
(1977)

Finally, New York’s underrepresented guido population get their (our?) own movie.
Plus you can’t get any more “The setting is a character” points than this scene where Bobby falls off the Verrazano-Narrows bridge.

#19 MARTY
(1955)

Not all Italian-American immigrants were gangsters. In fact some were chubby, awkward, 34 year-old virgins with overbearing mothers. Trivia: Ernest Borgnine is still Hollywood’s hairiest Best Actor winner. Also Best Picture, Director and Original screenplay by Paddy Chayefsky.

#18 THE WARRIORS
(1979)

I have many questions about the Furies. How long does it take to do the makeup? Are they into KISS? Do they have to use baseball bats? If you used a gun, would it get you kicked out of the gang? It seems like an easier way to kill rival gang members. Bludgeoning with a bat can’t be good for your lower back. And they’re practical compared to “The Punks” who only wear overalls and are always on roller skates. The Punks arch-nemesis….stairs.  

NY points for:

• Featuring the subway prominently (see #1 on our list)
• One of the guys in The Warriors thinks it’s “50 to 100 miles” from The Bronx to Coney Island. 

Points subtracted

• The gritty urban wasteland by playing Joe Walsh’s In the City over the end credits.

Trivia: I made a typo that said, “The Furries.” Can you imagine if that was a gang in this movie? I just came from DragonCon and this would terrify me. 

#17 DOG DAY AFTERNOON
(1975)

Every movie John Cazale appeared in was nominated for Best Picture. Dog Day Afternoon, both Godfathers, The Conversation and The Deer Hunter before his untimely death in 1978.

#16 MARATHON MAN
(1976)

Laurence Olivier is a nazi and Dustin Hoffman in booty shorts. Huzzah!

#15 DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN
(1985)

Rosanna Arquette in 1985. Oy vey. (see also #4 on our list) I appreciate her POV from the lonely NJ suburbs longing for “the city” from afar. Especially if f you grew up in the NJ suburbs, like me. Sure New York was a dangerous and foreboding place in a lot of these movies, but it was also a place where you could invent yourself, like co-star Madonna did this in real life. Speaking of which, Into the Groove is the best Madonna song ever. FIGHT ME! 

I like the Battery Park sequences. A few months after I saw this my class went on a field trip through Battery Park en route to see the recently re-opened Statue of Liberty. I’m afraid of heights, so I declined going up to the torch. Plus that’s a lot of fucking stairs. Anyway,  some crazy ass daredevil decides he’s going to parachute off the torch. Only his parachute gets caught and he’s dangling from the torch, clinging to the parachute for dear life. We left without knowing if he survived. (We later found out he did.)  Point being, filed trips in NY in the 80’s was utter fucking chaos and that’s my take from Desperately Seeking Susan.

#14 SERPICO
(1973)

Filmed on location in all five boroughs and in Al Pacino’s beard.

#13 THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN
(1984)

New York again serves as a seedy backdrop in this harrowing expose of the cutthroat worlds of both broadway and the advertising industry. Whether it’s Kermit’s anonymous coke orgy with colleagues known only as “Phil” and “Jill”  or Dr. Teeth strung out on heroin in Washington Square Park, or Rowlf turning peanut butter tricks in a Port Authority bathroom, this near-dystopian vision of New York erased the dreams of thousands of Broadway hopefuls for years to come. Manhattan  Melodies indeed. 

Whether it’s Kermit’s anonymous coke orgy with colleagues known only as “Phil” and “Jill” ,Dr. Teeth strung out on heroin in Washington Square Park, or Rowlf turning peanut butter tricks in a Port Authority bathroom, this near-dystopian vision of New York erased the dreams of thousands of Broadway hopefuls for years to come.

#12 MIDNIGHT COWBOY
(1969)

You’re walking here? Yea we know. Times Square was not for tourists anymore, unless you were there to get it on with a male prostitute dressed as a cowboy. New York as a hellish urban landscape beings here but it’s perfected with #10 on our my list.

#11 KLUTE
(1971)

At first it was hard for me to accept Jane Fonda here, yea I know she won an Oscar but I had my own biases to overcome – namely the hookers I used to see around the Port Authority hardly looked like the introspective, literate types. I see Jane Fonda – someone I associate with workout videos or tomahawk chopping with Ted in 1992, not my stereotypical view of what hookers “should” be, which thankfully dissipated quickly with this performance.

My other bias is the critical response to attractive actresses portraying hookers. It just reeks of a worldwide fat critic masturbation session; they’re creepily predisposed to jizz all over it like whenever Liz Phair releases an album. But that was one time, it’s not like every leading actress who plays a prostitute gets nominated for an Oscar. EXCEPT FOR:

Elizabeth Taylor, Elisabeth Shue, Kim Basinger, Mira Sorvino, Audrey Hepburn, Jodie Foster, Sydney from Melrose Place…. Okay, not that last one but Elisabeth Shue is Andrew Shue’s sister and he was in Melrose Place! Coincidence?

Director Alan Pakula and cinematographer Gordon Willis (see #24, #22, #21 and #7 on the list) craft a dark and mysterious (emphasis on dark) New York ideally suited for the material. The interiors are even darker here, the seedy nightclubs, Klute’s dingy apartment – in the dialogue scenes the actors look more literal shadows of themselves.

There are so many voyeuristic POV scenes – from the roof of Bree’s apartment looking down – watching Bree cross the street – it gives you the feeling the killer is always there though he’s seldom seen. Plus the creepiest, spine-chillingiest piano motif in cinema history guarantees you’ll be looking over your shoulder next time you’re soliciting a prostitute.

#10 TAXI DRIVER
(1976)

In 70’s cinema, New York is basically a hellish urban landscape in so many movies. But the city has never felt more dangerous as it does in Taxi Driver. Midnight Cowboy looks like a rom-com compared to this. 

#9 ROSEMARY’S BABY
(1968)

Sure New York is a character in all of these (shit, I did it again) but in Rosemary’s Baby the building is the real antagonist here. And Satan. And the elderly. Yea stay away from Bingo night at the Dakota. If you were ever going to be impregnated by Satan, the Dakota is probably a better place to do it than the Lego aisle at FAO Schwartz. It also has its own real-life disturbing, creepy history that has nothing to do with satan worshipping octogenarians.

#8 COMING TO AMERICA
(1988)

Queens in all it’s splendor. Points for Jamaica Estates, the Body by Jake guy cameo and going to a St. John’s game at the Garden. Alumni Hall would have been more personal but that’s splitting hairs.

You get a feel for the entire black community that Akeem stumbles into. (See #29 for how that could be completely different) Can you imagine this movie without the Barber Shop or McDowells?
Oh yea and you know him from the What’s Going Down episode of Where’s my Momma….

#7 MANHATAN
(1977)

Could have gone with a number of Woody Allen movies but the opening sequence in Manhattan fills you with the kind timeless romance that can only happen in this city. Then you find out the movie is about a middle aged man boinking  a high school girl. Why yes, that man is played by Allen himself. What makes you ask? Anyway….uh the cinematography!! ..

#6 GOODFELLAS
(1990)

Why is this #6 and both Godfather films are looking up at CHUD in the rankings? Let me explain. Goodfellas is littered with all real-world NY locales. Henry Hill’s childhood home was just a block away from me in Astoria, – Also I love the Airline Diner in Astoria. (Even though the Neptune is better – duh)

Point being, the mob movie is moved out of Manhattan and into the outer boroughs. It’s in Queens, Long Island and Brooklyn. It’s people you might have known, places you definitely know. When people say “realism” in movies, you tend to think violence and gore but for me it’s in these rich details that give GoodFellas such a specific place and time. Also, violence and gore.

#5 THE NAKED CITY
(1948)

When I watch old movies I always wonder if that’s how people really spoke back then or is it bullshit? The documentary style of The Naked City made a believer out of me. Realism wasn’t invented in the 70’s. 

#4 AFTER HOURS
(1985)

Martin Scorsese made a comedy. No, not the Irishman – After Hours, this is intentionally funny. The second – “Holy shit 1985 Rosanna Arquette is so hot” movie on this list. 1985 when Soho is dangerous and you didn’t want to get stuck there. Is that a concept today’s post-gentrification, NYU film students can grasp? No Paul could not just call an Uber.

Imdb Trivia
It would have taken Paul approximately 1 hour 47 minutes to walk home – assuming he walks at an average speed of 3 miles per hour (1 mile every 20 minutes) and hits all the cross streets at the correct time to cross. (The distance from Paul’s uptown apartment (“East 91st Street”) to Kiki’s SoHo loft (“28 Howard Street, near the corner of Crosby”) is approximately 5.3 miles.) [Google Maps]

#3 GHOSTBUSTERS
(1984)

For my 11th birthday, I made my parents drive from NJ to the city to visit the Ghostbusters locations.
Spoilers:
1) The don’t let you in the fire house to slide down the pole – actually the interiors was filmed on a set in LA.
2) There are no gargoyles on Lewis Tully/ Dana Barrett’s building  on Central Park West. What a shitass birthday! I’m still bitter about it.

In more recent Ghostbusting news, I got these at DragonCon, just in case I ever have sex again.

#2 THE FRENCH CONNECTION
(1971)

I can’t really say much about The French Connection that every other limpdick blogger hasn’t said. But let’s start on the male-enhancement car chase. I have to say my stomach sinks every time I watch it, because I feel like I’m in the car and I’m going to die next to a racist cop, just like my horoscope said. 

You can’t chase the el train like that in any other city (Eat my nutz, Chicago!!!)  Then after all that pedestrian endangering, gas guzzling and wanton destruction of pubic property. it ends on a pompous, effeminate, decidedly French wave in Popeye Doyels face. Holy shit, now I’m no longer impotent. 

Is there anything more NY than a racist, unhinged, corrupt cop. “Never trust a what with a knife?” Did he say that? But it would have been bullshit to not include that line. Plus Gene Hackman is so good we still like him more than the French.

#1 THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123
(1974)

The counted on the police.
They counted on the army.
But one thing these hijackers didn’t count on….
OLD JEWS!

Did you hear that fancy-pants terrorists? We got Walter Mathhau AND Jerry Stiller! You Scared? Don’t make us sick Jackie Mason on you too! Anyway, The Taking of Pelham 123 is the ’61 Yankees of New York movies. Not to be confused with the 2009 remake which was the ’62 Mets of New York movies. Wait, what?

Why is this film so uniquely NY, well start with the main character. Walter Matthau’s Lieutenant Garber is old New York incarnate – gruff, weathered, sarcastic, but with warmth, humor and honesty. It’s like he couldn’t exist in any other city. Meanwhile Denzel Washington is the perfect lead for the gentrified New York of the 2009 remake. That’s not a compliment. Garber is just as realistic as Popeye Doyle but he’s not a psycho, he’s just a mensch who happens to work for the MTA.

Walter Matthau’s Lieutenant Garber is old New York incarnate – gruff, weathered, and sarcastic but with warmth, humor and honesty. Meanwhile Denzel Washington is the perfect lead for the gentrified New York of the 2009 remake. That’s not a compliment.

There’s some Columbo-esque class struggle too. Garber is seen as one small cog in a giant beauracracy – doomed by his own surroundings, shackled by is own honesty, contrasted by Robert Shaw’s haughty terrorist – wealthy, amoral and arrogant. Yet it’s Garber who ultimately bests him in a battle of wits. No one fucks with Walter Matthau on his home turf!

From there it’s a fight against NY itself – the traffic, the politicians, the C.H.U.D. This NY is a pressure cooker on the verge of bursting – just like they way Jessy on OnlyFans edged me for two hours but that’s not the point. No other film gives you this much of a realistic window into NY and some of it’s most archetypal residents than the Taking of Pelham 123.

In other words it’s the kind of film you’d never see today, like the graffitied subway cars and Chock Full O’ Nuts coffee shops of old New York. I’ve been trying for months to find a way to get “Chock Full O’Nuts” into this blog for years SCORE!

For decades, it was an acceptable way to use “grind” and “nuts” in the same sentence.

Honorable mention

And when I say honorable mention I mean, “Movies I just thought of now and not editing this fucking thing again. Annie Hall, Do the Right Thing, When Harry Met Sally, Working Girl, King Kong, Birdman, The Fisher King and whatever else I think of in the middle of the night.