I had to shut the site down due to copyright issues. No wait, laziness. I shut it down due to an outbreak of extreme laziness. But now that one of us is recovering from ankle surgery – it’s a perfect time to re-launch the site and make my seven followers happy! Let the snarky reviews of obscure movies commence!! New content coming soon!!!!*
Sorry I didn’t finish my earlier attempt at a Sinners review, I got distracted by a 39-year-old Ralph Macchio movie. AS I WAS SAYING…
It you merged From Dusk Till Dawn, Miller’s Crossing, Shaft, Goodfellas, The Twilight Zone, The Thing and Riverdance you would get Sinners. Ryan Coogler took all these moving parts to make a genre-defying, spooky masterpiece. If there’s one movie you need to see before major surgery- this, is it.
If you’re the kind of person that only goes to a movie theater once a year, make it Sinners. Ryan Coolger’s created a true movie-going experience, and nothing less than a gargantuan IMAX screen with bowel loosening surround sound will suffice here. For me it’s just not a five-star movie unless I shit myself in one of those reclining AMC chairs. In related news, avoid seat H12 at Madison Yards AMC, theater 2.
Last Train to Clarksdale
Immersive – I’ll say it again. Coogler really gives you a feel for what a racist, sweltering hellhole plantation-era Mississippi must have been as opposed to the racist, sweltering hellhole it is today. It feels like you know the exact date this film takes place, also they tell you – October 16th 1936. Which just so happens to be the day Robert Johnson supposedly made his deal with the devil. (See part 1) AND HOLY SHIT – that’s the same date – October 16th, 1990, I stole that CD from Shop-Rite video! Nah, but can you imagine? That would be freaky. Point being Coogler really did his homework on this and it shows. There’s so many cool historical McNuggets, you need two viewings to see it all, luckily I did just that.
The actors are really good too. As the Smokestack twins, Michael B. Jordan has so much presence and charisma, you don’t even give a shit that he’s playing identical twins. You get to hear Halllie Steinfeld say all the filthy shit you dreamed of and the white guy who plays the Remmick the evil, uh, more evil vampire – was terrifying and a fine dancer.
If you don’t have a convincing young bluesman, it all goes to shit. Well, Ralph Macchio was booked on Karate Kid: Legends so they got someone named Miles Canto, who is a real musician apparently. This is his film debut as Sammie and shit – He’s the Scottie B. Pippen to Michael B. Jordan. You need to believe he can play, sing and conjure spirits from another world, because that’s exactly what Sammie does in THAT ONE SCENE. If you’ve seen it, you know the one I’m talking about.
THAT ONE SCENE
It’s futile to try and describe, so let me try. Sammie finally plays a song in the club and what follows is one of the most mesmerizing and original sequences I’ve ever seen in non-porno film. Yes even The Flintbones. Not only that, it summarizes the theme of the movie, how all different kinds of music can be joyous, sexy, seductive and even evil. As the opening voice over said, “There are legends of people born with the gift of making music so true. It can pierce the veil between life and death.” Yea this movie is good but wait, where are the fucking vampires in this thing?
Sir, I suddenly find your manner as distasteful as your cognac.
– Blacula
The second half of Sinners is basically a conventional vampire movie, tropes and all. Until that point, Sinners could have been historical fiction, a gang movie, hell even a musical and it still would have been good. The change in tone did seem abrupt to some and even I ask myself, “Do you even need vampires?” Yes. Fuck yes. Because the second half is one of the best vampire movies I’ve ever seen. Take that, Blacula!
What if Max the Head Vampire was black?
If you thought the Irish were pale and scary, you should see Irish vampires. HIYOOOOOOOOO.
As I was saying in Remmick’s case, his motivations are relatable. It would have been easy to make him the white devil or a KKK guy (more on that later), instead he’s an Irishman who got fucked out his land, which adds more spice to the soufflé.
Obviously, a vampire can only enter you home if you invite him in, duh. Didn’t you learn anything from the Lost Boys? So Remmick tries to talk his way in by offering them what is essentially freedom in exchange for being a vampire. Think about that – If I were a black man in 1936 Mississippi, I’d take that deal. Hell, I’d take it now. That way I’d outlive my student loan payments. HIYOOOOOOO!! Point being, even vampire movie cliches are totally different in this setting and context.
The Veil Between Life and Death
Speaking of which, the racism in the movie is addressed but it’s not the main theme of the movie as it should be given the setting. It’s a vampire movie, not Roots. So there’s that scene at the end of Stack (or was it Smoke?) mowing down the klan with a machine gun, that might have been kind of tacked-on in an already long movie and HOLY SHIT THAT’S BUDDY GUY!!!!
I said that aloud in the theater and my gf looked at me like, “Who the fuck is Buddy Guy?” Only the greatest living bluesman who I had no idea he was in this and was only 70% sure he was still alive. This is not a Stan Lee cameo, it’s essential to the story. So much so it’s kind of wasted as a mid-credits scene. As if I needed to shit my pants again. Wait, do I have a spastic colon? You can’t get these details with AI.
Shit I noticed on the second viewing.
Stanley and I apologize for letting the blog slack. We haven’t reviewed since…when was Exorcist: Believer? Oh shit that long ago, huh? Well, we’re back with a new focus and dedication. All it took was tendon replacement surgery in my ankle to make me bored enough to revisit this blog. But luckily I did see Sinners before the surgery. And holy shit – finally we get the black historical drama/vampire/gangster musical we didn’t know we needed. That doesn’t do it justice. Let me try again.
It you merged From Dusk Till Dawn, Miller’s Crossing, Shaft, Goodfellas, The Twilight Zone, The Thing and Riverdance you would get Sinners. Great artists steal as the saying goes and Ryan Coogler took all these moving parts to make a genre-defying, spooky masterpiece. If there’s one movie you need to see before major surgery- this, is it. We’ll do a deep dive on Sinners, but first, this may be the only chance I have to confess to you, dear blog subscriber who’s probably a friend of mine, my sinful past and why I was wearing John Popper’s fat guy hat for a brief phase in 1990. (Cue flashback music)
Like young blues phenom Sammie in Sinners, I too can pinpoint the dubious moment when I turned away from the lord’s light and instead chose a life of unrepentant sin on my way to being the ruthless, amoral, billionaire movie blogger I am today. You guessed it – I stole a CD from Shop-Rite Video! I figured I was going to hell anyway due to excessively masturbating to naked natives in National Geographic all morning, so why not expand my musical pallet too? Also, video stores carried CDs in those days. Weird.
But it wasn’t just any CD. It was Robert Johnson: The Complete Recordings. Who’s Robert Johnson, you ask? Why he’s King of the Delta Blues, dummy. It says so on the box. Wait, that’s a double CD in a big box – how shitty was the security in Shop-Rite video?
Finally, I actually listened to the damn thing and holy shit – it was so eerie, so authentic, so seductive, I was instantly hooked. It was more than just the thrill of petty larceny. I hadn’t felt like this since Native Tongue by Poison the month before. Could this guy be better than CC DeVille? But there was legend behind it too. Johnson I mean, not CC. But I guess their both legends.
In 1936 Johnson supposedly sold his soul to the devil at the oddly specific intersection of routes 61 and 49 in Clarksdale, Mississippi. (Didn’t Satan have an office?) Next to Abe’s BBQ according to Google – in exchange to be the greatest bluesman ever or some shit. Then he died under mysterious circumstances two years later becoming the first member of the 27 club. (Though his actual age like all things with Johnson, his actual age is disputed)
Something far worse than losing my soul happened to me on that day – I entered my insufferable blues phase! Sure, I liked the music, but it was the smug satisfaction of telling all the kids at school how everyone from Led Zeppelin, Eric Clapton to Falco derived from Robert Johnson I found so enticing. (Yes there was a gospel version of Rock Me, Amedeus) I even got a bluesman hat which on a white guy is just a fat guy hat. I call it the John Popper Principle.
I thought Johnson’s story would have made a perfect movie but, little did I know a movie loosely based on Johnson was made four years earlier, Crossroads starring noted black man, Ralph Macchio. Wait he’s not black? Italian? Close enough. Ladies and gentlemen – the 80’s!
If white people made Sinners, it would be…. Crossroads? These are the thoughts in your brain when you’re doped up on painkillers for a week. Dammit, now that I thought of this movie, I have to watch it and review it real quick. Crossroads – actually not bad but it could have been the Oxy talking. Let’s discuss this 39 year old movie no one remembers.
Given the subject matter, I also wondered if it could be problematic by today’s standards. It really wasn’t exploitative as far as my white maleness could tell. Walter Hill’s (48 Hours, The Warriors) movie holds up surprisingly well. In fact, it’s downright culturally sensitive compared to Soul Man. Anyone remember Soul Man? C. Thomas Howell in blackface? No, this was a real movie! James Earl Jones was in it, so it’s okay to like it, right?
Wisely, Crossroads really doesn’t have any more social commentary than Brittney Spear’s Crossroads movie does. It’s light and breezy 80’s fun salvaged by Joe Seneca’s performance as Johnsonesque bluesman Willie Brown. He brings some much-needed authenticity to the film and when I say authenticity, I mean you know his uh, blackness.
When we first meet Seneca’s legendary bluesman Willie Brown/ Blind Dog Fulton, he’s in a decrepit nursing home in the Bronx. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s hiding out from Satan or waiting on royalty checks from Led Zeppelin . (Willie, bubeleh, hate to break it to you…those just ain’t comin’) He also made a pact with Satan and knows it won’t be long before he’ll show up to collect. But The Karate Kid shows up instead. Yes this was a real movie! You’re googling Soul Man right now, aren’t you?
“Where I’m from, if you don’t blow no harp, you don’t get no pussy,”
Willie brown/ Blind dog fulton, 1986
Enter eager beaver and budding bluesman Eugene (Macchio) Dude, what did I just say about white guys wearing blues hats? It’s hard not to laugh when he introduces himself as “Lightning Boy.” Whatever. They escape, and hijinks ensue on their way to Mississippi. Probably the best thing about the movie is the surprising chemistry with Seneca and Macchio. No really. Willie breaks his balls constantly, kind of saying what the audience is thinking – namely gudios from Long Island can’t feel the blues. I CALL BULLSHIT ON THAT! WE CAN TOO!
Dated in some parts sure, but what other film climaxes in such an epic guitar wank-off? Eugene the Lightning Boy vs. Satan locked in a battle for Willie’s soul. Wait, then why isn’t he playing then? After a certain age you get to pick a proxy guy? What the fuck? I’m beginning to think this Satan fellow isn’t the most ethical businessman around. Naturally, Satan picks Steve Vai. If you don’t know, Vai is an actual guitar virtuoso, who played with David Lee Roth and Frank Zappa.
I’m still a sucker for this scene, and if you’re a middle aged man who hangs out at Guitar Center in Paramus, you would be too. For everyone else, two white guys shredding to see who’s the greatest blues man alive, is like watching Ivan Drago fight Rocky for the heavyweight championship. It’s downright cartoonish compared to the music sequences in Sinners but it’s niche audience will enjoy Crossroads for what it is. Watch it while practicing your minor pentatonic scales.
Okay this ran long as fuck, so I divided it into halves. I’ll post a deep dive into Sinners next week.
Well I only saw the first 40 minutes, but I think that was enough.
Photoshopping Stanley in here was taking way too long.
I986 was a banner year. I discovered horror movies, Led Zeppelin II and the giant pile of Swank magazines hidden in the ceiling of the Ramsey NJ Free Public Library men’s room. Ahhh simpler times. And despite my vigorous pursuit of the world masturbation record that ensued, I managed to watch Happy Birthday to Me, Evilspeak, Maximum Overdrive, all four Friday the 13ths, and Faces of Death that year, thanks to the miracle of VHS. I was just about desensitized, set to move away from my horror movie phase and resume my one-man war on Hostess Fruit Pies. Until I saw The Exorcist, which in 1986 was somehow suitable for a twelve year old.
The home base of Northern NJ’s fledgeling porn industry
Not only was it the scariest, most pants shitting, movie I’ve ever seen, it was a true story! Well, “based on” a true story but I took it as scripture in a way I never took scripture as scripture.
To make matters worse – I had this friend, to protect his identity, we’ll just call him “Diccon” – anyway he decided to ask our mild-mannered pastor, Father Brennan if The Exorcist was indeed a true story. To which Father Brennan said it was! And if we lost our faith in the church we could become possessed at any given moment. Ladies and Gentleman – the Catholic Church!
So at the age of 12 I had to worry about demonic possession in addition to pudding-breath, back acne and random sweatpants boners. No wonder I turned into such a well-adjusted adult. Regardless I was sleeping with a bible under my bed and I gave up masturbation. Longest three days of my life.
I was sleeping with a bible under my bed and I gave up masturbation. Longest three days of my life.
By contrast the Exorcist sequels couldn’t even give a mild hersheysquirt. The Exoricst II was as incomprehensible as your student film and Exorcist III – well Patrick Ewing played an angel in a dream sequence, so you know it was totally coherent. (More on that later) As it turns out those are no longer canon anyway. So The Exorcist: Believer – a Blumhouse Halloween-esque “requel” with Ellen Burstyn returning as Chris MacNeil – couldn’t suck that bad. Right? Well fuck. I’ll never know.
The film itself starts with a flashback to an earthquake in Haiti. I can only assume this foreshadowed…something, because this is a really exposition-y way to open the film. Crawling slowly to the present, two little girls go missing. We spend a TON of time looking for them, even thought we already know they’re totally possessed – it’s in the trailer, bruh. The first act plays more like a Law and Order episode than an Exorcist sequel. I was bored shitless and everything went dark. Literally. The power went out.
I’m not saying it was Satan…BUT…
Finally, I was scared! Was that part of the movie? It was pitch black and I was the only one in the theater unless the demon Pazuzu snuck in during the trailers. After waiting for the film to re-start for what seemed like hours, I ventured out into the lobby. Just a power outage, nothing satanic. (Although that’s just what Satan would want us to think.) The power was out in all the theaters and in the whole strip mall. (Yes it’s Atlanta, we have art cinema in strip malls) I felt worse for the people watching The Creator, there was only 15 minutes left and that was actually good. So after about 40 minutes I wandered off, got my voucher, looted some vegetable tzatziki dip from Trader Joe’s and headed home.
From what I hear, the power outage was an act of mercy. But I still need some Halloween content, so I watched the Exorcist III and here’s a quickie review.
“Why aren’t there any fucking Exorcists in this movie” – Pope John Paul II
Patrick Ewing playing an angel is just the beginning of it’s problems. Actually it’s not so crazy in the context of the film but at some point the filmmakers were like, “Yea it’s good but what if we added Fabio?”
Ewing and Fabio better 1-2 punch than Ewing and John Starks?
The Exorcist III plays like author of the original Exorcist novel, William Peter Blatty trying and ultimately failing to film his novel, Legion exactly as he had written it. With a ridiculous studio-enforced 180 degree turn at the end. Because that’s exactly what happened. Now if you know going in, you’ll find some things in here that a truly frightening, which I suspect originate in the source material. Legion could have been a poor man’s Silence of the Lambs or Seven. Instead it’s a clunky, wordy thriller dressed up as an Exorcist sequel.
There are so many scenes of character A talking to character B about character C, Blatty really should have let somebody adapt his novel, let alone trying to direct it himself too. That being said it’s not the worst thing I’ve seen. George C. Scott and Ed Flanders making demon salad out of demon shit. But there aren’t any fucking demons in this movie. So throw Father Karras in there. Wait, what?
George C. Scott in Man getting Hit by Football
Father Karras – he of the most famous fatal staircase tumble in cinema history? Yea Jason Miller is in it, sort of. He’s “Patient X” not Father Karras. He seems to show up sporadically just to remind people it’s an Exorcist movie. Which honestly holds the movie back because Brad Doriuf is actually really good as the Gemini Killer. Who is occasionally Father Karras as a hallucination only Kinderman (Scott) can see. Yes, you read that correctly. Okay we have a supernatural thriller but no Exorcist. So one was added. Sloppily.
Father Morning, who was never mentioned
shows up one hour and thirty five minutes into the movie
Father Morning, who was never mentioned, or alluded to previously FINALLY appears to do the lord’s work – 1:35 into the movie!!! Which would be fine if it was a three hour movie but it’s a seven minute quickie Exorcism. If this guy showed up in the first one, they wouldn’t have even had to wake up Father Merrin from his afternoon nap. Boom. Speaking of things that could have been resolved easily. the Publix sub I ordered wasn’t there on my way home. Satan works in mysterious ways.
Trivia: When The Exorcist was nominated for Best Picture in 1973, it was the last time the Catholic Church had any kind of good PR.
“I don’t think they’e bad. I just don’t like them much.”
– my friend, julian on radiohead
That’s my friend for Julian for ya. Yea I know what you’re saying, “I got a friend who doesn’t like oysters…We agree to disagree….blah, blah, blah” But Julian also doesn’t like Bob Dylan or The Rolling Stones and he’s in band! WHAT THE FUCK? Good fella…. fine musician… that Julian but after typing all this out – I wonder if we should we still be friends. The only solution? Sporadically drive by his house and dump trash on his yard like Tom Cruise in All The Right Moves.
But Julian’s never seen All the Right Moves either, (who has?) so the symbolism would be lost on him. Also he’s never heard Talking Heads, so another solution presented itself. A24, the studio that brings you horror movies you pretend to like, has re-released Stop Making Sense for the first time ever in IMAX, in 4K with remastered sound for it’s 40th anniversary. These are my terms: If Julian is sufficiently amazed. I’ll consider continuing my friendship with him. I said consider
Stop triggering me!
I’ve probably seen the movie ten times including a theatrical release in 2018 for the 35th anniversary. (How many re-releases does this thing have?) But I may as well have been watching for the first time too. The enhancements are incredible. The sound remaster is so intense, I had to wear my special “Oppenheimer pants-shitting pants.” IMAX puts you in the front row like a used groupie. You can really absorb the manic energy like never before. The physicality of the performance – spastic; yet somehow perfectly synced is still a marvel to behold and oh yea – 90 minutes of some of the greatest rock music ever made. This version, has to be seen and heard in IMAX theaters, streaming just won’t do.
As for the film itself, the opening is still the coolest opening to a concert since Ace Frehley’s infamous “flaming scrotum” intro on the Kiss Alive tour ’76. If you don’t know, the show opens with just David Byrne and a jam box, playing Psycho Killer along to a drum loop with the house lights still up.
The band members take the stage gradually, one per song, as drum risers are moved in and out, mics are set up and lighting rigs are wired in plain sight with fat-union guys in the shot, plain as day. Only they don’t interrupt the performance, they’re part of the performance.
Tina Weymouth follows on bass, then Chris Franz and Jerry Harrison making the Talking Heads we all know and who probably still hate each other. Eventually, a fully operational mothership version of the band with backup singers, extra percussion and keys – nine musicians in all take the stage. I was jealous of Julian – this is such a perfect way to be introduced to this band. The sequence of songs seems to tell a feature length story, which I never thought of until now. Also, I prefer a lot of the live versions here over the studio ones, especially Slippery People, Naive Melody and Once in A Lifetime. Eat a dick, Brian Eno!
Still the coolest opening to a concert since Ace Frehley’s
infamous “flaming scrotum” on the Kiss Alive tour ’76.
Life During Wartime is really on another level here. Jonathan Demme captures the intense energy of this song – the spastic, jogging in place dances, the sing along chorus – like a sped-up apocalyptic Sweating to the Oldies video. How is this even physically possible? I hurt my back just watching them. Even elitist critics who wouldn’t know Talking Heads from Styx understood they were seeing a great band at its’ peak. Picture Roger Ebert Dancing! You can’t unsee it!
Speaking of dancing Tina Weymouth’s dance moves are contagious Her weird fucking backward crab-dance shuffle is just as fantastically awkward as Byrne’s iconic “big suit” dance. It was really cool seeing The Tom Tom Club’s Genius of Love included here, I don’t remember it being in the 35th anniversary cut or not. Also since it’s 2023, someone made a not at all creepy edit that’s just every shot she’s in. Yikes.
David Byrne’s routine with the lamp during Naive Melody it’s part Gene Kelly dance and Gallagher prop comedy routine, which I never knew I craved. Point being this somehow adds to a beautiful song instead of distracting from it. My only complaint is that Big Business > I Zimbra which has been added to the vinyl reissue, isn’t in it. Incidentally the vinyl reissue is a massive improvement, the entire concert is included instead of the paltry eight out of sequence songs of the original but that’s another obsessive and sad middle-aged blog post.
The last time I watched Stop Making Sense was right after I read Chris Frantz book, Remain in Love where he tears David Byrne another corn chute. This time around it’s at least slightly reassuring that Talking Heads are getting through the press tour without killing each other. Hey it’s not the reunion tour we all wished we got in 1995 but it’s a bit of healing. Speaking of which I asked Julian what he thought. He said, “Well, they say it’s the greatest concert movie of all time.” I said, “Okay but what do you think?” He said, “It’s the greatest concert movie of all time” Well no shit, Sherlock.
In 1987 at the age of 13, I went to Manhattan to get a fake ID. I gave this enterprising young man Maurice, a crisp $20 for said item. He just took off running down 8th avenue, never to be seen again. I brought that story up in therapy. My therapist said, “You should make a list of your favorite New York movies.” So this list cost me $150 plus $48 to register my new domain name. Let’s do this.
These are the most New York movies, not necessarily the best films that happen to take place in New York. You know where the setting is a character (cliche alert.) Films that can’t take place in any other city. Films where Piedmont Park in Atlanta just can’t double for Central Park. (I’m looking at YOU – every Marvel movie ever made!) There’s some nostalgia too in these picks, so if you miss the days when eye contact on the subway was considered justifiable homicide and you can get balls wasted on a field trip….grab a Chock Full O’ Nuts coffee and enjoy.
NOT Central Park – I don’t care what the Avengers say
Ah the days you could streak through Central Park and no one would notice. Terry Gilliam tries to shove in everything that ailed NY from the homeless to Howard Stern into one movie. The tone is just like Robin William’s lead character – schizophrenic, entertaining, and at times depressing as hell.
Harlem must have looked quite threatening like to aliens and or/white guys from New Jersey taking a shortcut to Yankee Stadium. John Sayles, dialogue-free opening sequence is a stunner.
As the 70’s went on, New York in film was portrayed as rotting from the inside, so it was only a matter of time before it became a deserted penal colony. But you’d figure it would be Staten Island, not Manhattan. HIYOOOOOO. Sorry Staten Island.
Also penal is a funny word, still. Penal. You just said it, didn’t you? Even though Donald Pleasence and Lee Van Cleef are in the same movie, number #18 on our list for my preferred scary NY future movie.
The city that never sleeps – comes in handy for adultery. Of course nowadays poor Jack Lemon would be living with seven Craig’s List roommates in a 2 Bedroom in Williamsburg and would have to bang Shirley MacLaine in a broom closet.
When I was a kid, my brother told everyone in the neighborhood our house was a lookout tower for Son of Sam. It wasn’t. It scared the shit out of me though. I was seven!
125-07 9th Ave, College Point, NY. It’s never been a lookout tower.
Ahhh New York, 1984. Affordable rent…vibrant artistic community…mom and pop grocery stores… and mutated creatures pulling people down into the sewers and disemboweling them. Those were the days! I can hear my mother now, “Stephen, don’t bother the C.H.U.D.s and they won’t bother you.” Memories. Then Giuliani ran all the C.H.U.D.s out of town. Fascist.
I’m partial to this, since it’s set in my dad’s neighborhood of Astoria, Queens. But no mention of famous Astorians Whitey Ford, Chistopher Walken, or cinematographer Gordon Willis who shot five movies on this list. Holy crapstick.
Triva: Robert Downey Jr. doesn’t have the nuts to try a Queens accent. I have mixed feelings about this. He could at least pull it off here.
New York after midnight was so depraved it could turn the Fonz into a pimp. THIS AIN’T MILWAUKEE, BABY. Not to mention Shelly Long is a hooker and they operate out of a morgue. What sleaze merchant directed this? Ron Howard? Yes, this is a real movie! That synopsis makes it sound like a Midnight Cowboy sequel but it’s actually a comedy – and a good one with a hilariously manic, star-making performance by Michael Keaton.
Kevin Costner makes his film debut as “Frat Boy #1” in Night Shift. No really.
“There’s a man with a machete trying to kill us!”
“Welcome to New York.”
So much social commentary about the New York’s seedy underbelly in this movie. No wait, that was from Jason Takes Manhattan. That didn’t make the list? What the fuck?
Before you spit your gabagool on my nice suit, this list is what is the most New York about the movie, not necessarily the greatest movie. (Or else CHUD would be #1 DUH.) Is the city more a character in the story or just a background? Could this have taken place in another city? Yes it can and does with settings just as effective in Lake Tahoe, Havana or Sicily. Part II still has to get the edge here for the Ellis Island and Little Italy scenes but that’s only half the movie.
This is such a cool shot. I don’t care how on the nose the symbolism is.
Finally, New York’s underrepresented guido population get their (our?) own movie.
Plus you can’t get any more “The setting is a character” points than this scene where Bobby falls off the Verrazano-Narrows bridge.
Not all Italian-American immigrants were gangsters. In fact some were chubby, awkward, 34 year-old virgins with overbearing mothers. Trivia: Ernest Borgnine is still Hollywood’s hairiest Best Actor winner. Also Best Picture, Director and Original screenplay by Paddy Chayefsky.
I have many questions about the Furies. How long does it take to do the makeup? Are they into KISS? Do they have to use baseball bats? If you used a gun, would it get you kicked out of the gang? It seems like an easier way to kill rival gang members. Bludgeoning with a bat can’t be good for your lower back. And they’re practical compared to “The Punks” who only wear overalls and are always on roller skates. The Punks arch-nemesis….stairs.
NY points for:
Points subtracted
Trivia: I made a typo that said, “The Furries.” Can you imagine if that was a gang in this movie? I just came from DragonCon and this would terrify me.
Every movie John Cazale appeared in was nominated for Best Picture. Dog Day Afternoon, both Godfathers, The Conversation and The Deer Hunter before his untimely death in 1978.
Laurence Olivier is a nazi and Dustin Hoffman in booty shorts. Huzzah!
Rosanna Arquette in 1985. Oy vey. (see also #4 on our list) I appreciate her POV from the lonely NJ suburbs longing for “the city” from afar. Especially if f you grew up in the NJ suburbs, like me. Sure New York was a dangerous and foreboding place in a lot of these movies, but it was also a place where you could invent yourself, like co-star Madonna did this in real life. Speaking of which, Into the Groove is the best Madonna song ever. FIGHT ME!
I like the Battery Park sequences. A few months after I saw this my class went on a field trip through Battery Park en route to see the recently re-opened Statue of Liberty. I’m afraid of heights, so I declined going up to the torch. Plus that’s a lot of fucking stairs. Anyway, some crazy ass daredevil decides he’s going to parachute off the torch. Only his parachute gets caught and he’s dangling from the torch, clinging to the parachute for dear life. We left without knowing if he survived. (We later found out he did.) Point being, filed trips in NY in the 80’s was utter fucking chaos and that’s my take from Desperately Seeking Susan.
Filmed on location in all five boroughs and in Al Pacino’s beard.
New York again serves as a seedy backdrop in this harrowing expose of the cutthroat worlds of both broadway and the advertising industry. Whether it’s Kermit’s anonymous coke orgy with colleagues known only as “Phil” and “Jill” or Dr. Teeth strung out on heroin in Washington Square Park, or Rowlf turning peanut butter tricks in a Port Authority bathroom, this near-dystopian vision of New York erased the dreams of thousands of Broadway hopefuls for years to come. Manhattan Melodies indeed.
Whether it’s Kermit’s anonymous coke orgy with colleagues known only as “Phil” and “Jill” ,Dr. Teeth strung out on heroin in Washington Square Park, or Rowlf turning peanut butter tricks in a Port Authority bathroom, this near-dystopian vision of New York erased the dreams of thousands of Broadway hopefuls for years to come.
You’re walking here? Yea we know. Times Square was not for tourists anymore, unless you were there to get it on with a male prostitute dressed as a cowboy. New York as a hellish urban landscape beings here but it’s perfected with #10 on our my list.
At first it was hard for me to accept Jane Fonda here, yea I know she won an Oscar but I had my own biases to overcome – namely the hookers I used to see around the Port Authority hardly looked like the introspective, literate types. I see Jane Fonda – someone I associate with workout videos or tomahawk chopping with Ted in 1992, not my stereotypical view of what hookers “should” be, which thankfully dissipated quickly with this performance.
My other bias is the critical response to attractive actresses portraying hookers. It just reeks of a worldwide fat critic masturbation session; they’re creepily predisposed to jizz all over it like whenever Liz Phair releases an album. But that was one time, it’s not like every leading actress who plays a prostitute gets nominated for an Oscar. EXCEPT FOR:
Elizabeth Taylor, Elisabeth Shue, Kim Basinger, Mira Sorvino, Audrey Hepburn, Jodie Foster, Sydney from Melrose Place…. Okay, not that last one but Elisabeth Shue is Andrew Shue’s sister and he was in Melrose Place! Coincidence?
Director Alan Pakula and cinematographer Gordon Willis (see #24, #22, #21 and #7 on the list) craft a dark and mysterious (emphasis on dark) New York ideally suited for the material. The interiors are even darker here, the seedy nightclubs, Klute’s dingy apartment – in the dialogue scenes the actors look more literal shadows of themselves.
There are so many voyeuristic POV scenes – from the roof of Bree’s apartment looking down – watching Bree cross the street – it gives you the feeling the killer is always there though he’s seldom seen. Plus the creepiest, spine-chillingiest piano motif in cinema history guarantees you’ll be looking over your shoulder next time you’re soliciting a prostitute.
In 70’s cinema, New York is basically a hellish urban landscape in so many movies. But the city has never felt more dangerous as it does in Taxi Driver. Midnight Cowboy looks like a rom-com compared to this.
Sure New York is a character in all of these (shit, I did it again) but in Rosemary’s Baby the building is the real antagonist here. And Satan. And the elderly. Yea stay away from Bingo night at the Dakota. If you were ever going to be impregnated by Satan, the Dakota is probably a better place to do it than the Lego aisle at FAO Schwartz. It also has its own real-life disturbing, creepy history that has nothing to do with satan worshipping octogenarians.
Queens in all it’s splendor. Points for Jamaica Estates, the Body by Jake guy cameo and going to a St. John’s game at the Garden. Alumni Hall would have been more personal but that’s splitting hairs.
You get a feel for the entire black community that Akeem stumbles into. (See #29 for how that could be completely different) Can you imagine this movie without the Barber Shop or McDowells?
Oh yea and you know him from the What’s Going Down episode of Where’s my Momma….
Could have gone with a number of Woody Allen movies but the opening sequence in Manhattan fills you with the kind timeless romance that can only happen in this city. Then you find out the movie is about a middle aged man boinking a high school girl. Why yes, that man is played by Allen himself. What makes you ask? Anyway….uh the cinematography!! ..
Why is this #6 and both Godfather films are looking up at CHUD in the rankings? Let me explain. Goodfellas is littered with all real-world NY locales. Henry Hill’s childhood home was just a block away from me in Astoria, – Also I love the Airline Diner in Astoria. (Even though the Neptune is better – duh)
Point being, the mob movie is moved out of Manhattan and into the outer boroughs. It’s in Queens, Long Island and Brooklyn. It’s people you might have known, places you definitely know. When people say “realism” in movies, you tend to think violence and gore but for me it’s in these rich details that give GoodFellas such a specific place and time. Also, violence and gore.
When I watch old movies I always wonder if that’s how people really spoke back then or is it bullshit? The documentary style of The Naked City made a believer out of me. Realism wasn’t invented in the 70’s.
Martin Scorsese made a comedy. No, not the Irishman – After Hours, this is intentionally funny. The second – “Holy shit 1985 Rosanna Arquette is so hot” movie on this list. 1985 when Soho is dangerous and you didn’t want to get stuck there. Is that a concept today’s post-gentrification, NYU film students can grasp? No Paul could not just call an Uber.
Imdb Trivia
It would have taken Paul approximately 1 hour 47 minutes to walk home – assuming he walks at an average speed of 3 miles per hour (1 mile every 20 minutes) and hits all the cross streets at the correct time to cross. (The distance from Paul’s uptown apartment (“East 91st Street”) to Kiki’s SoHo loft (“28 Howard Street, near the corner of Crosby”) is approximately 5.3 miles.) [Google Maps]
For my 11th birthday, I made my parents drive from NJ to the city to visit the Ghostbusters locations.
Spoilers:
1) The don’t let you in the fire house to slide down the pole – actually the interiors was filmed on a set in LA.
2) There are no gargoyles on Lewis Tully/ Dana Barrett’s building on Central Park West. What a shitass birthday! I’m still bitter about it.
In more recent Ghostbusting news, I got these at DragonCon, just in case I ever have sex again.
I can’t really say much about The French Connection that every other limpdick blogger hasn’t said. But let’s start on the male-enhancement car chase. I have to say my stomach sinks every time I watch it, because I feel like I’m in the car and I’m going to die next to a racist cop, just like my horoscope said.
You can’t chase the el train like that in any other city (Eat my nutz, Chicago!!!) Then after all that pedestrian endangering, gas guzzling and wanton destruction of pubic property. it ends on a pompous, effeminate, decidedly French wave in Popeye Doyels face. Holy shit, now I’m no longer impotent.
Is there anything more NY than a racist, unhinged, corrupt cop. “Never trust a what with a knife?” Did he say that? But it would have been bullshit to not include that line. Plus Gene Hackman is so good we still like him more than the French.
The counted on the police.
They counted on the army.
But one thing these hijackers didn’t count on….
OLD JEWS!
Did you hear that fancy-pants terrorists? We got Walter Mathhau AND Jerry Stiller! You Scared? Don’t make us sick Jackie Mason on you too! Anyway, The Taking of Pelham 123 is the ’61 Yankees of New York movies. Not to be confused with the 2009 remake which was the ’62 Mets of New York movies. Wait, what?
Why is this film so uniquely NY, well start with the main character. Walter Matthau’s Lieutenant Garber is old New York incarnate – gruff, weathered, sarcastic, but with warmth, humor and honesty. It’s like he couldn’t exist in any other city. Meanwhile Denzel Washington is the perfect lead for the gentrified New York of the 2009 remake. That’s not a compliment. Garber is just as realistic as Popeye Doyle but he’s not a psycho, he’s just a mensch who happens to work for the MTA.
Walter Matthau’s Lieutenant Garber is old New York incarnate – gruff, weathered, and sarcastic but with warmth, humor and honesty. Meanwhile Denzel Washington is the perfect lead for the gentrified New York of the 2009 remake. That’s not a compliment.
There’s some Columbo-esque class struggle too. Garber is seen as one small cog in a giant beauracracy – doomed by his own surroundings, shackled by is own honesty, contrasted by Robert Shaw’s haughty terrorist – wealthy, amoral and arrogant. Yet it’s Garber who ultimately bests him in a battle of wits. No one fucks with Walter Matthau on his home turf!
From there it’s a fight against NY itself – the traffic, the politicians, the C.H.U.D. This NY is a pressure cooker on the verge of bursting – just like they way Jessy on OnlyFans edged me for two hours but that’s not the point. No other film gives you this much of a realistic window into NY and some of it’s most archetypal residents than the Taking of Pelham 123.
In other words it’s the kind of film you’d never see today, like the graffitied subway cars and Chock Full O’ Nuts coffee shops of old New York. I’ve been trying for months to find a way to get “Chock Full O’Nuts” into this blog for years SCORE!
For decades, it was an acceptable way to use “grind” and “nuts” in the same sentence.
And when I say honorable mention I mean, “Movies I just thought of now and not editing this fucking thing again. Annie Hall, Do the Right Thing, When Harry Met Sally, Working Girl, King Kong, Birdman, The Fisher King and whatever else I think of in the middle of the night.
I walked in the theater thinking, “I know you’re going to suck. but please don’t suck as hard as last time.” Yep, the glory hole behind theater 2 at the Midtown Art Cinema is unpredictable these days, yet I keep turning up on Wednesdays. I also saw the new Indiana Jones last night.
YOU WANT GLORY HOLE JOKES, I GOT ‘EM. YOUR MOVE, LEONARD MALTIN!!! Oh, and Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny was pretty good. That is if you are okay with strong women, shirtless grandpas and a whackadoodle final act. Consider that your spoiler warning.
Well we got an 80-year-old Harrison Ford, a ton of budget and production problems and a release date a whopping 15 years after the franchise’s lone embarrassing entry, 2008’s Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. So my expectations were simple – I just wanted an improvement over that fridge-nuking mess. They could do that, right….RIGHT?
Correction of the Crystal Skull
We get about 7 minutes in, there’s a Wilhelm scream, John Williams’ score kicks in and Indy has killed three more Nazis than he did in the last movie, so already an improvement. No aliens, no CGI ants, no Shia La Jar Jar and the CGI de-aged Indy looks a hell of a lot better than Play Station 2 DeNiro in The Irishman. Apology accepted. That being said this isn’t quite Indy as you remember him, unless you’re into octogenarian porn.
It’s not the years, it’s the mi-…no wait it’s the years
Finally, we have the shirtless scene of Indy in his undies that everyone wanted…back in 1984. I kid, I kid. I liked this take on Indy. A boozing, old curmudgeon in Grandpa undies yelling at his neighbors makes a lot of sense considering he’s fricking 80. Twice the age Danny Glover was in Lethal Weapon, and he was too old for this shit!
I prefer this seeing his stunt double bounce off the walls in the last one. And as it turns out, he has a good reason for being a sullen grouch, which I’ll get to in a second but point being, it’s essential to the story to present Indy as a man out who at least thinks he’s outlived his usefulness. An invulnerable Indy at his age would have made no sense, but some people have a problem with that.
The Bad
Fleabag vs. Short Round
Not surprisingly, the internet has gone full Rose Tico on Phoebe Waller-Bridge for having a vagina. For the record, I wasn’t crazy about her character myself, and it had shit to do with her being a sociopath or a Mary Sue or whatever the fuck incels say.
I just found her too close to her character on Fleabag only her quips didn’t land. In fact, it resulted in some weird tonal issues and awkward dialogue exchanges. She also brought her own Short Round. Odd – but a helpful in covering potential plot holes.
But why do people have an issue with Helena saving Indy at the end? If anything the sidekick saving the main hero is a trope – fucking Short Round rescues him from Mola Ram at the end of Temple of Doom. Does that mean he made Indy a cuck?
“I would prevent my son enlisting.” Wait what? Holy shit. THAT’S what happened to Mutt? I mean I hated him but dying in Vietnam? That went dark – fast. Regardless, it’s a perfect way to explain his absence, fitting within the period’s historical context while also explaining why Indy has isolated from everyone.
Ironically, Shia LeBeouf brings a whole new level of depth to the story that he probably couldn’t have achieved if he were physically present in it. It’s really intriguing how the writers chose to say, “Poochie died on his way back to his home planet,” instead of taking a simpler route. By the way…
Don’t go away Mads
Also Mads Milkensen is a really smarmy Nazi with a great reveal – going back in time to kill Hitler and then lead Germany to victory in WWII? Well that’s awfully ambitious! Though I was a little disappointed his death wasn’t more gruesome. Couldn’t a roman hit his nutsack with a spear? Yea that’s right, I said, ‘Roman.”
Enchantment under the Siege
Wait, Indiana Jones travels through time? At this point, why the hell not? It’s presented in a way that makes sense in the context of the story. Plus, there’s only so many times Indy can throw a Nazi off moving vehicle. Why not chuck him in ancient Sicily?
Sure it plays like a Dr. Who episode but with a bigger budget, but I liked it. Indy staying in the ancient past seemed like fitting ending to the franchise. But you know what else is accepted in the Indy universe besides time travel? People who get knocked the fuck out with one punch. This time it’s Helena knocking out Indy to drag is old ass back to 1969. I’m sure the internet will have no problem with that.
Ironically, Shia LeBeouf brings a whole new level of depth to the story that he probably couldn’t have achieved if he were actually in the movie.
Memory Almost Full
And finally we do have the return of Marion Ravenwood, which was a nice touch. As I said there’s actually some restraint with the fan service and this is a nice bit of nostalgia that doesn’t pander. Though 20-40 minutes could have been lopped off this movie like so much foreskin.
Also shout out to the set dec guy for making Indy’s NY apartment look just like my Nana’s right down to the Grand Union shopping bags. Anyone remember Grand Union? Walbaum’s? Anyway…
If you compare it to Raiders, you won’t like it. If you compare it to Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, you will. But if you compare it to Raiders you probably complained that Paul McCartney’s Egypt Station isn’t as good as Rubber Soul. Can we just sit back and enjoy Flaming Pie?
Plot Hole: I don’t care about time travel plot holes because they never make sense. But why did Basil Shaw give the Dial to Indy only if he promised to destroy it? Why doesn’t he do it? You don’t have to drop it the fiery pits of Mordor, just hit it with a hammer.
Prediction: EthanIsidore, who played Teddy, the uh…Moroccan Short Round, will win Best Actor at the 2062 Oscars.
Stephen and Stanley at the Movies 